kept on a


leash                             (p) lease

(stay close)                        

until choked

to death

bello distractions



brush off snow


no ease, but the end’s in sight

I brought the mala you gave me

(one christmas)

to the alter


not as worship

to show all the red strands

stretched around a red notebook

and never the same

i place stones on an alter

to protect the dead and the living

always cycling

empty                                             space


I called you friend

and weeks later you respond and

i realize our passion has transformed into

needles and bows

leading class initiations

wondering what my voice sounds like

who what where

i am always searching

the room for your face

and i ask

“what’s your name”

even though it’s not you

it could be



today i asked myself

the question

i couldn’t believe the answer


and then you called

(of course)

as though you knew

perhaps you heard me

and couldn’t believe me either



before the end

i said, i love you

you said, i love you

in case that’s the last

after fear freak out