moving from the middle

CA is calling

CA Conrad

recommends: toes curl when we ignore the innersong

There is a clench

      all these: unknown natural causes, cardiac arrest, dementia, Alzheimer’s, chronic obstructive pulmonary disorder, x melanoma, sepsis ghosts

the heart attacks mindstream

the circuits dis–

white matter grey matter white white grey

winter grey is natural cause

      if you train an old dog to speak
      the dog will bark

                  CA is whispering

i am waiting for the envelope

the plaque      not in the brain

on the wall     inside St. Benedict’s halls

reads: Mary

     she places her hands on my cheeks and smudges the black ash
     from her forehead to my forehead

        she is blessing me with holy water

it is almost another death day

go unmentioned
go by

i enter the century old retort room where we keep loved ones remains sometimes forgotten
sometimes returned
that is where they wait to go home

i say “hello everyone”

i don’t wait for them to answer

sometimes i forget to say “goodnight”

sometimes i forget to say “good morning”

is there a way to mourn well?

“one more step to closure,” he said.
i picked up the marker
placed the weight in his hands
and said, “goodbye”


another moon

the pacific northwest freeze
calls sun to cast shadows to play!

sleep took me minutes before the new year rolled over

i slept in an old year
holding on

awoke in a new year already writing the poets

i’ll never forget.

we’re sea bound and ocean calling ready to frolic and let the sand


high and low tides wash wishes to another world
share these waters
we speak the same language at the shore

it is January first. there are always goals
the year of the ___________
blessings to and from all over earth
we are watching the water, wind, sky, trees
straining to hear their song

2015: Picking up Stitches

i miss a place
stuck in traffic

“Where were you before us?”

lost always                  never home

where are you now?

This ranting of lost bodies

purpose: to be someone sent to take you
into the fire
to return the earth body home

what are the options
in this day of toxicity?

we are released
the air we breathe

is you.

we etch into skin

“Take fingerprint” just in case
orders to mark the body passed

another bardo

Where is the ceremony?

we do.


Where have you gone?

“she’s not there, she’s sleeping”

so many asleep

when we will wake to our decomposition, disposition

can you walk outside the body and walk awake inside another and
be someone loved?

—RITES of Passage

When will all families be treated equally?


those who fall asleep forever
down by the river
we’ll wade in the water, we’ll wait in the water
we’ll listen to the water, listen to her now

—Why has the light forgotten us?

it is a grey time, thankful sun on fallen spaces filled with ice

we freeze

the weather is changing again.

—We will live the loss of this appetite: depressed

the system

grows fat with decay

will we forget the sun exists between worlds?

there are worlds/words lost between
time zones

“are we in the same time zone?”

                          after the fire, rebuild from the frame

there’s no where to run
inside a locked box

the flames high, bones shatter

tiny flecks kiss the earth